


Sawamura Daichi's Guide to Falling In Love

by HomeForImaginaryFriends



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-02 16:09:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13321776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HomeForImaginaryFriends/pseuds/HomeForImaginaryFriends
Summary: The 7 Stages of Falling in Love with Kuroo Tetsurou's, as told by one completely infatuated Sawamura Daichi.





	1. Stages One Through Four

**Author's Note:**

  * For [audriel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/audriel/gifts).



> Happy Birthday Audriel! I hope you like and I'm so sorry this is late! You're honestly just one of the best people and you've helped me out so much in so many ways. You're always so patient and kind. I kind of mushed together a couple of your Secret Santa requests and even added a bit of angst in there!
> 
> I hope your Birthday is great along with the rest of your year!

**_Stage 1: Shock and Denial_ **

 

“What are you doing?”  Sawamura refused to jump and act like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar.  He turned on his heel and looked down at Ennoshita, pretending as if he hadn’t been crouched up on the top step leading into the third gym, peering into the small space between the door and the wall.  Ennoshita looked tired, which wasn’t unusual but they had just gotten done with their practice matches against the various Tokyo teams so he was probably exhausted.

 

“Tsukishima is doing extra practice.”  Sawamura stated.  If it were anyone else he would have shuffled them off, telling them to go practice or get something to eat but it was Ennoshita.  Ennoshita who had caught Sawamura doing some rather uncaptainly things and kept them all to himself.  Sawamura was sure the quiet wing spiker knew everyone's dirty secrets.

 

“The other two captains, from Nekoma and Fukurodani?  They goaded him into it.”  Ennoshita smirked a little, just a slight twist of his lips but Sawamura had known the other teen for a couple years now, knew that meant he was truly amused.

 

“Hinata’s in there too.”  Sawamura waved to the door, this time taking Ennoshita by surprise.  Ennoshita moved to stand below Sawamura, both of them peering inside just in time to see Bokuto wave over Hinata, leaning down low to whisper something into the overexcited gingers ear.

 

Sawamura’s eyes snagged on Kuroo as the other teen used the bottom of his shirt to wipe at the sweat on his face.  He wasn’t sure why the other captain was helping Tsukishima.  Bokuto was easy to guess, he loved volleyball.  Hinata clearly loved volleyball and worshipped the ground Bokuto walked on, so Bokuto helped Hinata.  But why was Kuroo helping Tsukishima?

 

“Shifty cat.”  Sawamura grumbled.

 

“Hmm?”  Ennoshita asked.

 

Kuroo was probably helping Tsukishima so that he could rub it in Sawamura’s face later.  Proof that Kuroo was a better captain, had the better team.

 

“Let’s go practice.”  Sawamura snapped out, hauling Ennoshita to the gym where the rest of the team was.  Ennoshita followed, laughter in his eyes.

 

“You usually don’t let people get to you.”  Ennoshita commented.

 

“Something about his smug face bothers me.”  Sawamura smiled and by the way the other players in the second gym backed away from him, he knew it wasn’t a nice looking smile.  “We’re going to grind those cats into the ground tomorrow!”  Cheers erupted and it was then that Sawamura realized there were various other players from different teams in the gym.  He felt the back of his neck heat in embarrassment but at least it was easy to form full teams to run a couple practice games.

 

They didn’t grind the cats into the ground the next day nor the one after that.  Sawamura had no idea why that didn’t bother him as much as it should.  They had lost a lot but by the end they were closing the margins.  They weren't losing by such a large amount any longer and they had all learned so much in such a short time.

 

“So, where does it all go?”  Kuroo asked as he took an uninvited seat next to Sawamura on the grass.  Sawamura had watched the other captain mercilessly tease Bokuto while somehow simultaneously searching out every member of his team and making sure they all had eaten their fair share of the barbeque.  Sawamura had shoved food into his mouth in a near frantic pace, not sure what he was feeling.

 

“Mfph?”  Sawamura asked around a mouthful of cooked veggies.  Kuroo cackled, that high pitched laugh that had made a muscle twitch beneath Sawamura’s eye the first time he had heard it but now- now what exactly?  He felt confusion swirl in his mind.

 

“The food.”  Kuroo motioned to Sawamura’s plate, which was half full.  It was his second helping.  “Honestly I didn’t think anyone ate more than Inouka and he’s got-” Kuroo bit back the words and looked away, far too innocently.

 

“He’s got what?”  Sawamura asked, voice low.  Kuroo shook his head as Sawamura pointed his chopsticks at the other teen.  “Finish your sentence Kuroo.”

 

“I think I hear someone calling my name.”  Kuroo retreated, but he looked highly amused and not threatened at all.  Sawamura took a big bite of the meat on his plate, glaring in the other teens direction.

 

“You like him.”  This time Sawamura did jump because he hadn’t realized Azumane and Sugawara had sat next to him.  How long had they been there for?

 

“Like who?  Kuroo?  Ugh no, he’s the worst.”  Sawamura snapped, though even he realized he was talking too quickly, and with a full mouth.  Sawamura hardly ever forgot his manners.

 

“So when you snuck off last night to see him, nothing happened?”  Sugawara asked, voice pitched low as the other two leaned towards Sawamura.  Even Azumane was taking the piss out of it.

 

“Hinata had fallen asleep in their room, I had to go get him.”  Sawamura defended but in all honesty it wasn’t even close to the truth.  Sawamura had been outside the room for Karasuno, looking in and counting up bodies but coming up short.  Kuroo had shown up before Sawamura could worry that Hinata had gone and gotten himself lost, again.  Kuroo had said it was fine if Hinata slept in Nekoma’s room, but Sawamura had insisted on getting him.

 

They had walked down the dark school corridors together.  Sawamura could say it was almost pleasant.  Kuroo had obviously been tired from days of practice matches and then nights of extra practices.  There had been a softness about him that Sawamura had never seen before.

 

“It’s alright if you like him.”  Azumane stated softly.  Sawamura looked around, eyes easily finding the tall figure of the Nekoma captain.  He was bent over at the waist, laughing at his libero, who looked completely done with that tall half-Russian monster on their team.

 

Did Sawamura like Kuroo Tetsurou?  No way.  Absolutely not.  Never.  Not even a little.  Not in the least!

 

**_Stage 2: Pain and Guilt_ **

 

Sawamura rubbed at his left thigh, felt a muscle twitching and momentarily thought that that probably wasn’t the best sign.  It was a fleeting thought, gone within a second.  The twitching muscle was at the end of a long list of issues.  Everything on Sawamura’s body was screaming in pain, throbbing and pounding in someway.  He was worried when the whistle would blow and he would have to get up off the bench.

 

Sawamura wasn’t sure if he could make it up.

 

Honestly only pure stubbornness was keeping him going.  The prize was within his reach, his goal so close and he wasn’t willing to let a little thing like a full body shut down get in the way.

 

Ukai was giving one of his speeches.  Short and to the point, something that made every one stand a little straighter, the focus in their eyes never wavering even as their bodies threatened to give out from beneath them.  Sawamura was glad that Ukai was there, he didn’t think he could summon up enough energy to rile up his team at that moment.  He needed just a second to regroup, even his throat hurt from yelling.

 

Sawamura glanced to the other side of the court, finding a small solace in the fact that the other team looked as worn as Karasuno.  The looks on their faces were nearly as bloodthirsty as Karasuno’s.

 

Eyes that looked dark from afar, but Sawamura knew were golden brown up close, met Sawamura’s.  The screams of the crowd in the stadium seating, Ukai’s bark of a voice, everything faded to white noise as Sawamura looked across the court and saw the determination on the other captains face.

 

Sawamura had come face-to-face with other captains.  Captains who thought nothing of him or his team, captains who saw them as a threat to their teams position, captains who took nothing serious.  Nothing compared to the tension between Sawamura and Kuroo at that moment.  They had bowed to each other before the game, snarked comments when they were rotated to opposite spots, scowled and smirked across the net.

 

Only one of them would walk off the court the winner.  Sawamura had looked forward to the Battle of the Garbage Dump.  But he hadn’t thought it would be on the same intensity as Shiratorizawa or any of the other teams they had faced thus far.  After all Karasuno had racked up dozens of practice games against Nekoma but this was different.

 

This was for keeps.  Especially for the third years.

 

The whistle blew and Sawamura somehow found the last ounce of strength he had to stand up.  Kuroo nodded his head, just a slight dip of his chin.  Sawamura returned the nod and yelled for his team to fight.

 

The game continued on for another fifteen minutes.  It feels like an eternity while simultaneously ending in the blink of an eye.  Sawamura can feel the sting of the volleyball slamming into his arms, arcing back over to Kageyama as Sawamura slams into the ground.  It hadn’t been his smoothest receive, but he had been running on fumes for sometime now.  He doesn’t even make it off the floor before Azumane slams down the last point.

 

It’s shocked silence followed by a deafening roar.  Sawamura finds himself suddenly engulfed in his team, having a dozen teenage boys fall all over him wasn’t exactly the best feeling, his entire body aches by the end of it but Ukai finally pulls everyone up and off of him, barking at them to get back in line.  The ref doesn’t even yell at them, allowing them their moment.

 

Part of Nekoma are in tears.  Kuroo stands tall, clasping shoulders and gently pushing everyone towards the exit.

 

Something settles heavily in Sawamura’s gut.  He brushes it off as hunger pains even though part of him recognizes it as the lie it is.

 

It isn’t until later, when Sawamura takes a step out of the locker room for a breather.  A moment away from everyone to catalogue the various aches and pains, what he’ll need to ice when he gets home.  Part of him wondering if he should start doing ice baths.

 

Sawamura rounds a corner and stops dead in his tracks.  The small hallway has a couple vending machines in it but that’s not what catches Sawamura’s attention.  That’s not what makes something twist painfully in his stomach.

 

Kuroo stands with his back to Sawamura, hidden by the machines unless someone were to stand directly where Sawamura was standing.  His head is bowed low, shoulders hunched and shaking.

 

Sawamura knows that stance, is intimately familiar with it.  Knows the need to be away from his team so he can break down without anyone witnessing it.  Not for fear that his team would think less of him, but because he’s the captain.  He’s supposed to stand strong and true.

 

But Sawamura and his team had ended Kuroo’s captaincy.  There would be no more high school games for Kuroo.  No more tournaments, no more training camps, no more high school volleyball.

 

Guilt isn’t something Sawamura is use to feeling when it comes to opposing teams.  It was a win or lose situation, and Sawamura had his sights on going all the way.  Sawamura had lost enough games to know he had no ill feelings towards any of the other teams and he had never felt this way before.

 

Sawamura wanted to go to Kuroo, wanted to be able to say the right thing or touch him in the right way to make it all better.  But this wasn’t a movie and he knew Kuroo wouldn’t appreciate Sawamura seeing him at this point.

 

So Sawamura made his way back to his team, a bitter taste in his mouth and a pain in his gut that had nothing to do with the hard game they had just played and everything to do with the trembling shoulders beneath the red Nekoma jacket.

 

**_Stage 3: Anger and Bargaining_ **

 

Sawamura was drunk.  It wasn’t the first time so he knew what to expect, the same couldn’t be said for his fellow drinking companions.  Sawamura hadn’t expected to be roomed with three of his formal rivals.  Something in the 15 question test they took to match roommates must have been similar though, probably they had all answered any hobby-related questions with volleyball.

 

Moniwa had been a pleasant surprise.  He had all the nerves that Azumane exhibited so Sawamura found they got along well.  He was intelligent and liked to make food enough for all of them, which only put him more in Sawamura’s favor.  He also could not handle his liquor.  Sawamura made a mental note to make sure Moniwa never over did it.  His social anxiety meant he might turn to alcohol more often than not to feel comfortable but right now it wasn’t a problem.  Well except he kept nearly sliding right off of his bar stool.

 

Matsukawa was another surprise, in more ways than one.  With people like Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and Kyoutani on his team Matsukawa was a silent and tall figure.  Sawamura couldn’t remember much from playing volleyball against him, except he was frustratingly hard to get around.  Living in a crowded dorm with him meant Sawamura knew far too much about the other man now.  Including that he had possibly the worst taste in food and even worse sense of humor.  Matsukawa once referred to himself as a Pun-Master and that was enough for Sawamura.  Matsukawa was handling the alcohol better than Moniwa, but he kept texting someone under the table.

 

Sawamura probably should have stopped Matsukawa from future embarrassment caused by drunk texting someone, but they shared a room and Matsukawa was prone to asking really inane and sometimes thought-provoking questions that had Sawamura up half the night.  It was a little bit petty but Sawamura didn’t mind that much.

 

The last roommate was Yaku.  Away from frustrating half-Russian giants who never listened, the libero was a pretty relaxed bloke.  Except for when he was rushing around looking for a misplaced book or a lost phone.  Yaku was always losing things, almost to the point that Sawamura was sure someone must be hiding them on purpose.  Matsukawa was Sawamura’s first suspect, but he seemed almost afraid of Yaku.

 

Yaku was almost completely normal, except he was flirting with everyone.  If it had been anyone else besides the terrifying libero, Sawamura would have recorded his flirtatious adventures on his phone.  He could send the recording to Kuroo.

 

Matsukawa set his phone, face down, with an audible snap.  His face was flushed, whether from alcohol or embarrassment Sawamura wasn’t sure but he was hoping for a mixture of both.  He reached out and pulled Moniwa back onto his stool before he slid off while glancing down at the phone.

 

“Who are you texting?”  Sawamura asked, curiosity making him voice his thoughts.

 

“Hajime.”  Matsukawa tilted the phone to himself before slapping it back down on the table.

 

“Oh, _Hajime_ is it?”  Yaku cooed.  Matsukawa’s face turned a brighter shade of pink as Sawamura laughed.  “Wait, who’s Hajime?”   Yaku asked, looking around.

 

“No idea.”  Sawamura answered at the same time Moniwa spoke up.

 

“Iwaizumi Hajime, his ace.”  Moniwa tilted his head, following a waitress with his entire body.  She was skillfully carrying a tray full of food.  Sawamura couldn’t remember if they had ordered food or not but thought it was best if they added something more than just alcohol to their stomachs.

 

“Your ace is he?”  Yaku laughed.

 

“He’s very handsome.”  Moniwa said, Matsukawa nodded looking suddenly mournful.

 

“You should see him without a shirt.”  Matsukawa rubbed at his curly hair before slumping low on the pubs table, rattling their drinks.

 

Sawamura thought maybe getting everyone drunk wasn’t the best idea.  Their first volleyball season at university had ended before it had even really begun.  They had all gone to Tokyo for school, Moniwa and Sawamura were in the architect programme while Matsukawa and Yaku went into finance.  They had chosen the university first for their educational purposes, putting volleyball on the backburner.

 

It didn’t mean it hurt any less when they hadn’t played even a minute in any official games.  The coach had ordered them to take a break as all the other universities continued to practice and play.

 

Sawamura tried not to let it get to him.  He really did.  But those who had played shouldn’t have been playing in the first place.  The coach put the oldest players in the games, whether or not they had the skill to back up their years.  Sawamura had no problem warming a bench until he was experienced enough to play, but it had been more than difficult watching the volleyball being slammed repeatedly onto the ground knowing he could have saved it.

 

Frustration was an old friend of Sawamura’s but mostly he never let it harden into true anger.

 

“Mattsun!”  A familiar voice rang out in the overcrowded pub.

 

“Am I hallucinating or was that- hanger!”  Matsukawa allowed himself to be pulled into a fierce hug by none other than Oikawa Tooru.  Sawamura looked past the handsome man to look at his companions.

 

There was the tall imposing figure of Ushijima.  Matsukawa had a good laugh when he learned that Oikawa and Ushijima ended up at the same university, playing for the same volleyball team.

 

Something twisted in Sawamura’s stomach as he looked past Ushijima to see the familiar figure of Kuroo.  Kuroo greeted Yaku with a smirk, earning a punch to the stomach for a comment Sawamura didn’t catch.  He looked the same, he looked great.

 

Sometime after the Battle of the Garbage Dump but before everyone went off to university, Sawamura had admitted he had a small but growing crush on Kuroo.  He had no idea why.  Maybe part of it was due to the fact that when Kuroo wasn’t cackling like a hyena or trying to rile Sawamura up he could be considered handsome.  Maybe Sawamura liked Kuroo’s terrible sense of humor and the fact that the former Nekoma captain was kind of a dad to his various underclassmen.  It could be those things and several other things Sawamura had learned about the other teen while they texted back and forth.

 

Sawamura mostly hated texting.  It got boring after a while and he much rather just speak to the person face-to-face but texting was never boring with Kuroo.  He had even convinced Sawamura to download snapchat and regularly sent Sawamura pictures of the unhealthy food he was eating or various other volleyball people he met up with.  There was the occasional gym shot or shirtless picture, which did not effect Sawamura at all.

 

Not in the least.

 

Sawamura definitely did not promise any and all gods that he would never swear again if Kuroo Tetsurou would stop sending him sleepy good morning snaps, with eyes half lidded and his stupid bare collarbones.  The gods did not agree to his bargain so more often than not Sawamura woke up and swore.

 

Sawamura stood, thinking he would use the chance to order some food and start sobering everyone up.  He wasn’t expecting Kuroo to follow him over to the bar.

 

“Yaku text you?”  Sawamura asked, smiling once he got the waitresses attention.

 

“Actually Iwaizumi texted Oikawa, sounded concern about Mattsun so we came to make sure he was okay.”  Kuroo leaned against the bar, waiting for Sawamura to order food for everyone before a sly smirk covered his face.  “Imagine my surprise when I find Sawamura Daichi, in a pub, on a school night.”

 

Sawamura grinned, ready to settle in for some verbal sparring and maybe just a bit of flirting.  Kuroo was a natural flirt and Sawamura had enough beers in him to loosen his tongue.  He was thinking the night had just turned for the better until the handsome bartender caught Kuroo’s attention.

 

The bartender was tall, taller even than Kuroo, with the sort of lithe muscles that filled out his black shirt without looking too bulky.  He had a stylish undercut and Sawamura couldn’t help but think of the fact he had the same haircut since he was about seven years old.

 

Sawamura could feel anger build as he stepped away without being noticed.  He pushed that anger into a tight ball inside of himself as he made his way back to the table.  More drinks had been ordered and Ushijima had taken Sawamura’s unoccupied chair, sitting next to Moniwa Ushijima looked interested in what the other college student was saying.

 

“Where’s Kuroo?”  Yaku asked as Sawamura took a seat next to him, reaching over to grab a pint and taking a long swig of it.

 

“Flirting with the bartender.”  Sawamura motioned behind him somewhere, refusing to look, knowing he had no reason to be feeling angry or jealous but the feelings bubbled up inside of him anyways.

 

“I’m sorry, I’ve been talking so much!”  Moniwa yelled before cringing and hunching his shoulders in on himself, apologizing for yelling.

 

“It is alright, I would like to hear more stories about your team if you would like to share them.”  Ushijima said, his deep tone almost blending in with the constant buzz of noise in the pub.  Moniwa shifted in his seat, almost sliding right off of it but Ushijima caught him easily.

 

“They are going to do great next year, I know it!”  Moniwa shouted, slamming his hand on the table and making everyone's drinks rattle.  He apologized once more for yelling.

 

Sawamura glanced back to the bar after fifteen minutes of Kuroo still not being back.  The bartender wasn’t ignoring the other patrons, but he always returned to Kuroo with an easy smile that showed off perfectly white and even teeth.  Sawamura ran his tongue over his own teeth, feeling the gap and wondering if it would be bad to punch the perfect bartender in his perfect mouth.

 

“I promise I’ll give up drinking and swearing and I’ll eat better and call my mother every day like she wanted me to if you just make him trip and spill a drink on himself.”  Sawamura whispered to the ceiling before looking back at the bar just in time to see Kuroo pull out his phone and hand it over to the handsome bartender.  “Thanks for nothing.”  Sawamura grunted to the gods that clearly weren’t listening to him.

 

**_Stage 4: Depression_ **

 

Sawamura couldn’t remember being more tired in his life.  He had been completed a year and half of university.  He thought he was finally getting the hang of it but then it had all come crashing down.

 

First it had started with him breaking his leg.  It meant months without volleyball but he had attempted to look on the bright side.  Missing volleyball was difficult, but he could survive without it until he healed properly.  Until then he could put all his focus on his schoolwork.  It should have gone off without a hitch.

 

Except Sawamura was failing a class.

 

Sawamura had never failed anything in his twenty years of life.  School had never been effortless for him, but it had never been impossible either.  He always made sure to carve out time to finish his homework and study properly.  He got the right amount of sleep.  He took care of himself so that he would be in the right mindset for seven am classes and four hour lectures.

 

They had to turn in a model bridge.  It should have been simple.  Sawamura wanted to be an architect after all and they had spent almost the entire semester going over every famous bridge in the world.  Sawamura had written papers on them, had done dozens of simulations in the lab.  But his model had collapsed in on itself.

 

The professor had given Sawamura another chance.  He had to build an entirely new bridge by the time winter break was over.  What had taken Sawamura nearly three months to make previously was suppose to be done in a weeks time.  He hated breaking the news to his family that he wouldn’t be home for Christmas, his birthday, or even New Years.  He had heard the disappointment in their voices, the confusion of his younger siblings.  He could handle their disappointment about that but he couldn’t bare to tell them the truth.

 

Sawamura hadn’t told anyone he was failing.

 

Sawamura stared at the new bridge he had made and saw only faults.  His leg ached but he had been too scared to take any pain medication, worried it might make him even more tired or mess with his head.  His head already felt fuzzy and his fingers had developed a slight tremble.

 

He rubbed hard at his eyes, reaching over to grab his phone and check the time.  He just needed a small minute to look away from his project. He needed to regroup and look at it with fresh eyes.  Or at least fresher eyes because all he saw was it collapsing in on itself like his predecessor had.

 

There were various texts from friends and family alike.  There were a couple snapchats too.  Matsukawa had sent him a picture of his friend Hanamaki shoving cream puffs into his mouth.  A picture of Sugawara wearing a santa hat.  Azumane had sent Sawamura a picture of his three bear-sized dogs with their various christmas sweaters on.

 

Kuroo sent a picture of himself and his boyfriend, grinning at the camera and wishing Sawamura a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.  The snap only allowed him to look at the picture for ten seconds but it was branded into Sawamura’s memory.

 

Sawamura had thought his crush would fade but it hadn’t.  Neither had the handsome bartender, who turned out to be a pretty decent bloke and a good boyfriend to Kuroo.  Sawamura felt happy for Kuroo, saw how good they fit together and how happy Kuroo was in their relationship.  But Sawamura felt like shit for himself.

 

Pressing his forehead against his desk, he inhaled deeply and let it out slowly.  Sawamura was having a rough go at things.  He was glad for Kuroo’s friendship and he wouldn’t trade that in for anything.  Kuroo had been the one to take Sawamura to hospital when he had broken his leg, trying and failing miserably at skateboarding.  Kuroo had sat with Sawamura the entire time he was stuck at hospital, cracking jokes and getting Sawamura drinks and food when he needed it.

 

Sawamura sat up straight before turning off his phone.  Seeing his crush spending Christmas with his boyfriend was not helping and Sawamura had work to do.


	2. Stages Five Through Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Audriel I'm so sorry this is late! This story was meant to all be in one chapter but work kicked my butt! Maybe think of it as an extended Birthday present?? Either way I hope you enjoyed it, and thank you again for being such an amazing person! (And if you ever have some story requests/ideas feel free to shout them at me!)

**_Stage 5: The Upward Turn_ **

 

Sawamura wakes up in a bed that is not his own.  He had gotten a part time job working at a banquet hall, which usually meant long nights spent cleaning up and getting home close to when the sun would start rising.  His mother had sent him black curtains to stop the sun from waking him up and interrupting the couple of hours of sleep he managed to catch before morning practice or an early class.

 

The sun was shining brightly in his eyes and he could feel the full effects of a hangover migraine.  The previous night came back in pieces and bits.  Sawamura wasn’t much of a drinker but his volleyball team had made it to the final rounds of the tournament for the first time in decades.  The entire team had gone out to celebrate and Sawamura, being the new captain, could not think of a good excuse to bow out.  Not that he wanted to in the first place.  He had been just as excited, and shocked, as the rest of his team.

 

Something moved next to Sawamura, pressing tighter against his side and that’s when he became fully aware of his surroundings.  The too bright sun in his eyes, the smell of an unfamiliar room, the warmth of another human body curled into his side and the awkward angle his arm was at to accomodate that person.

 

Sawamura blinked the sleep from his eyes, ignoring the small pounding of his head as he looked down to a somewhat familiar head of hair.

 

“Huh.”  Sawamura squinted up at the ceiling, trying to piece together exactly how he ended up in bed with Bokuto Koutarou of all people.  There was a celebration that started off at one pub then moved to another.  Sawamura thought there had been at least one other bar after that.  He had texted just about everyone he knew and mentally reminded himself to leave his phone at home the next time he went drinking.

 

The bedroom door opened and Kuroo walked in.  He was rubbing a towel over his head, sweats that had seen better days hanging on his hips.

 

“Kuroo.”  Sawamura almost sat up but remembered Bokuto sleeping soundly next to him.  Despite the situation, Sawamura was positive nothing happened between the two of them.  For one, now that Sawamura’s mind was a bit clearer, it was obviously Kuroo’s bedroom and secondly they were both fully dressed.  Though Sawamura was clearly not wearing the clothes he had started off wearing the previous night, which was only partially concerning.

 

“You’re awake.”  Kuroo smirked, tossing the towel to the corner of his room where a pile of clothes threatened to fall over.  “I can’t believe you and-”

 

“Don’t even try it.”  Sawamura said, no bite in his voice.  He knew Kuroo well enough by then to know that Kuroo would try and talk Sawamura into believing he had done something salicious with Bokuto.

 

“Can’t even let me have a bit of fun?”  Kuroo pouted, which looked ridiculous really.  His wet hair sticking up at different angles, bare chested, with one leg of his pant caught in his fuzzy cat socks.

 

Sawamura kept his eyes firmly on Kuroo’s face because friends didn’t check out their friends bodies.  Sawamura thought Kuroo was almost unbearably cute in the mornings but while he could control where his eyes went, he wasn’t skilled enough to stop his sappy runaway brain.  They had been in their separate universities for over two years and Sawamura still harbored unrequited feelings but he had stopped allowing them to consume him.

 

Kuroo was adorable in the mornings.

 

Moving on.

 

“Sorry we kicked you out of your own bed.”  Sawamura said, though he wasn’t really all that apologetic.  Kuroo snorted as he searched for a clean shirt, finally managing to find one with an alien riding a unicorn that clearly wasn’t his but he put on anyways.  Sawamura had no idea how Oikawa could be simultaneously the worst dresser he’s ever seen but also the best.  How he could go from looking like he walked off a runway to lounging around in clothes that looked like they should be set on fire and never talked about again.

 

“You and Bo make an adorable couple.”  Kuroo’s grin didn’t quite reach his eyes.  Even intoxicated Sawamura had noted that there was something off about Kuroo the previous night.  Actually he had been acting a little strange for about two weeks now.

 

“How many pictures did you send?”  Sawamura asked, only feeling partially embarrassed.  Curled up against his side, with his head tucked close and his hands curled into the fabric of Sawamura’s borrowed shirt Bokuto was kind of cute.

 

“So many.”  Kuroo admitted, finally a genuine smile lighting up his eyes.  Sawamura eased himself into a sitting position, managing to untangle himself rather easily from Bokuto.  Bokuto slept like a rock, once he was out he was out for good.  Sawamura placed the blanket back around Bokuto who was wearing, of all things, Kuroo’s old Nekoma kit.  He turned to see Kuroo with his phone raised.

 

“Why?”  Sawamura asked, standing up and pushing the phone away at the same time.  Kuroo laughed as he followed Sawamura out of his bedroom.

 

“You tucked him in.”  Kuroo said as Sawamura rubbed at the back of his neck, letting out a huge yawn that made his jaw crack.

 

“How did I end up here?”  Though even as he asked Sawamura remembered the answer.  He had paired everyone up, he vaguely remembered calling them ‘sober companions’ though no one was sober at that point in the night.  There was an odd number of people so Sawamura had paired himself with Kuroo and Bokuto.

 

“You paired everyone up, called Bo and I the troublemakers and said you needed to keep a closer eye on us.”  Kuroo commented as he shuffled past Sawamura into the kitchen.  He opened a couple drawers before turning to Sawamura with a bottled water and some pills.  Sawamura took them with a thankful smile, downing the entire bottle in one go.  “It was like being paired up with the teacher on a school field trip.”  Sawamura snorted, half heartedly hitting Kuroo with the empty bottle.

 

“I made Issei and Iwaizumi hold hands.”  Sawamura only felt a little bit bad at that.  If his memory served him correct, Matsukawa had beamed brightly, if a bit drunkenly, as he held Iwaizumi’s hand, stating that ‘he had to do or Sawamura would get mad.’  Iwaizumi had turned red, or he could have been red to begin with, but hadn’t pulled away.

 

“You were matchmaking everyone.”  Kuroo leaned against the counter as Sawamura started to go through cupboards and the refrigerator.  “Drunk Daichi is even more pushy than Sober Sawamura.”

 

“We all know it’s only a matter of time before those two get together, it’s been years already.”  Sawamura pulled out a couple pans and pots.  It wasn’t the first time he had crashed at Kuroo and Oikawa’s shared flat, and he always made breakfast as a thank you.  “Kaname and Ushijima even got together before those two.”  Though that was mostly due to Ushijima’s blunt approach to everything.  Almost everyone had been surprised when Ushijima admitted to his crush on Moniwa, though no one was more surprised than Moniwa.  Maybe perhaps Oikawa, who had been positive up until that point that Ushijima had been in love with him.

 

“Sometimes shit doesn’t work out no matter how people feel.”  Sawamura glanced at Kuroo from the corner of his eye as he continued to make a basic breakfast.  There was a twist of bitterness laced in Kuroo’s tone.  Something Sawamura wasn’t use to hearing from Kuroo, who had an amazingly positive outlook on life.

 

“Sometimes.”  Sawamura agreed, keeping his tone purposefully light as he placed sausages on the skillet.  “But it doesn’t mean we should stop trying.”  Kuroo looked tight lipped as he stared down at his phone.

 

“I don’t see the point.”  Kuroo finally spoke up after several minutes of silence.  “Iwaizumi lives in Miyagi, he has no plans to move out to Tokyo anytime soon and he wants to graduate and settle down.  Matsukawa wants to travel and stay in Tokyo.”

 

“So just because something might end in the future that means there’s no reason to try at all?”  Sawamura asked as he tossed a small towel over his shoulder so he could wipe his hands on it when needed.  “Then why do you continue to play volleyball?”  Sawamura knew Kuroo had no intention to continue playing after college.  Perhaps in a neighbor association but nothing professional.

 

“Does everything come back to volleyball to you?”  Kuroo asked, though the bitterness had left his tone so Sawamura counted that as a win.  Part of him wanted to hug Kuroo, to offer some sort of physical comfort.  If it had been Azumane or Yaku, even Bokuto Sawamura wouldn’t have hesitated.  But Kuroo and he didn’t have that sort of relationship.

 

Sawamura instead reached out and squeezed Kuroo’s shoulder, making the other man look up from his phone.  Sawamura turned his hand and tugged on Kuroo’s ear, making him cringe and swat Sawamura’s hand away as they both laughed.

 

“Bastard.”  Kuroo rubbed his ear as Sawamura went back to cooking.

 

“Ask Oikawa if he’s coming back and if so to bring more food.”  Sawamura commented, waiting for Kuroo to finish texting before talking again.  “You okay?

 

“Yeah.”  Kuroo mumbled before taking a deep breath and shifting on his feet, knocking his shoulder into Sawamura’s.  “Kaito and I broke up.”  Kaito was a couple years older than them, finishing up his masters and working two part time jobs to pay for it.  Sawamura had tried to hate the guy but it had been difficult, near impossible but if he had hurt Kuroo?

 

“Do you need me to rough him up for you?”  Sawamura asked, only half joking.  Sawamura had a reputation to maintain after all, but he knew some rough characters who wouldn’t mind doing a him a favor.

 

“Rough him up.”  Kuroo laughed, his shoulder shaking against Sawamura’s and that’s when he noticed how close they were standing, though there was no reason for the space.  Sawamura found he didn’t mind it.  “You have been watching too many gangster movies with Yaku.”

 

“You’re not wrong.”  Sawamura and Yaku did have a tendency to marathon any type of mob-related movie.  The cheesier, the better.

 

“He’s graduating and we’re just-” Kuroo sighed, put more of his weight against Sawamura.  “Heading in different directions.”

 

The distinct sound of a camera snapping a picture came from behind them.  Sawamura and Kuroo turned simitanously to look over at an unapologetic Bokuto.

 

“Akaashi told me to turn the sound off but I like the sound it makes.”  Bokuto said, as if it explained why he was taking a picture of them with their backs turned.  He fiddled with his phone as Kuroo stood up straight.

 

“Are you sending it in?  I don’t think I’ve ever been in one before!”  Kuroo bounded over excitedly to Bokuto, peering over his shoulder to look at the phone screen.

 

“Do I even want to know where you’re sending that picture?”  Sawamura asked, regretting the words as soon as they were out of his mouth.

 

“He doesn’t know?”  Bokuto asked, head popping up and almost chipping Kuroo’s tooth in the process.

 

“He doesn’t know!”  Kuroo, not even phased that he had nearly gotten headbutted, exclaimed happily.

 

“Oh man, this is my favorite morning ever.”  Bokuto made his way over to Sawamura, tilting his phone to show off what looked like an instagram fed.

 

It was all pictures of Sawamura with various people.

 

Except Sawamura didn’t have an instagram.

 

“What- no wait, I’m not even all that surprised.”  Sawamura sighed as he went back to cooking breakfast, hitting Bokuto’s wandering hand with a spatula when he tried to snatch a sausage.  “You made me an instagram?”

 

“Not us.”  Bokuto’s shoulders slumped as he curled his wounded hand to himself, looking completely pitiful.  Sawamura told himself not to fall for the big, puppy dog eyes.   _Don’t even look at him._  But he did and it was too late.  He sighed as he handed over a sausage, listened to Bokuto hoot happily as he took it with a big grin.

 

“That was a good one.”  Kuroo commented, playing with his own phone.  “Tell him the best part Bo.”

 

“During training camp we all started talking about how you looked good with everyone.”  Bokuto chomped down the sausage in two big bites.  “So we started a competition, taking pictures of you with other people to see who could get the most couple-like photo!”

 

“Of course, all of this is perfectly normal.”  Sawamura deadpanned, earning two big grins from his morning companions.

 

“Suga’s the one who started the account, we all sent in our pictures and whoever got the most likes won!”  Bokuto explained the rest.  Sawamura was really not at all surprised to know Sugawara was in on it all.

 

“You have thousands of followers.”  Kuroo said, showing Sawamura his own phone where he had pulled up the account.  The latest picture was of Sawamura and Bokuto sleeping in bed together that Kuroo must have sent in to Sugawara.  The one previous to that must have been taken when Sawamura visited Miyagi for his little sister's birthday a week prior.  He had met up with a couple people from Karasuno, Tanaka being one.  The picture was Tanaka standing behind Sawamura, chin on Sawamura’s shoulder as they both looked down at the phone in Sawamura’s hand.

 

There were dozens upon dozens of pictures with various people.

 

“This explains why my last date went so poorly.”  Sawamura had written it off as the girl being crazy.  She had flipped on him after he had come back from the bathroom.  She must have looked him up while he had stepped away, saw the instagram.

 

“Oh.”  Kuroo and Bokuto looked at each other before putting their phones away, looking slightly guilty.  Sawamura waved their guilt off.  Chances are there wouldn’t have been a second date even if the woman hadn’t thought he was some sort of player.  He was still quite in love with Kuroo and that wouldn’t be fair to anyone he dated.  It didn’t stop Sawamura from trying to date, trying to find someone who would replace those feelings.

 

“There’s really no pictures of you and I?”  Sawamura asked in surprise.

 

“Apparently we just don’t look good together.”  Kuroo shrugged and Sawamura forced out a laugh, feeling a slight pain in his chest at that.

 

“Hello hello!”  Oikawa’s cheerful voice rang out in the apartment as the front door closed.  “I brought food and people, but most importantly I brought me.”

 

“Hey hey hey!”  Bokuto greeted Oikawa with an enthusiastic high five as he came into the kitchen, Matsukawa and Iwaizumi following behind him.  “Daichi didn’t know about his couples account.”

 

“Ugh, I don’t even want to hear about that, people have no taste.”  Oikawa scowled as he put the grocery bags on the counter, taking out items and putting them near Sawamura to make a bigger breakfast with.

 

“Oikawa is just mad because the picture of you and Iwaizumi is still the most liked.”  Kuroo explained, scrolling through his phone once more before showing Sawamura the screen.

 

They were clearly mid laugh, both Iwaizumi and Sawamura in the shot and dressed in their workout kits.  Sawamura thought it must be a traitor on Karasuno who had taken the shot because it was when he had visited, met up with Iwaizumi and had played a couple games with Karasuno a couple months back.  Sawamura had his hand twisted in the hem of his shirt, clearly going to wipe his face with it and showing an embarrassing amount of skin.  Iwaizumi had his hand on Sawamura’s shoulder, eyes scrunched up in laughter.

 

“This is a huge invasion of privacy.”  Iwaizumi said after he had glanced down at the phone, but it didn’t stop him from grinning and holding it over Oikawa’s head.

 

“Like I said, people have no taste!”  Oikawa squawked out, offended.

 

“The one of you and Azumane with his dogs is the second most liked.  Oikawa didn’t even break the top five.”  Kuroo mock-whispered, earning a punch from the other man.

 

They all had breakfast together, ate it in the living room while watching morning cartoons and mostly relentlessly teasing Oikawa.  It wasn’t until days later that Sawamura remembered the instagram again, as he told himself he was only taking a short break from his term paper to check it out.

 

It was embarrassing, though most of the pictures were quite tame.  He was amused to see that mostly he could tell who took the picture by the quality and what filters were used.  Sawamura noted he couldn’t trust anyone in his life because he was nearly positive that at least one of the pictures was taken by his own mother.

 

Sawamura was about to close the page when he accidentally refreshed it instead.  There was a new picture, before the one of Sawamura and Bokuto sleeping together that was doing quite well in the likes department though Sawamura couldn’t bring up the courage to read the comments just yet.

 

The new picture was slightly out of focus, the light coming in from the window casting far too much contrast to be a good picture.  The two figures were off center also but it was still Sawamura’s favorite.  The tall, lean figure of Kuroo leaned against Sawamura.  Part of Kuroo’s left sweat leg was tucked into his mismatched socks, there was a sizable hole in the back of Kuroo’s borrowed shirt, and a large bruise right above his elbow.  Half his hair stuck straight up while the other half was flattened against his head.  Sawamura didn’t look much better in his borrowed clothes, the shirt too tight across his shoulders while the sweats dragged on the floor.

 

It was just their backs to the camera, Kuroo barely leaning against Sawamura, shoulders touching, hips separated by a small space.  Sawamura smiled down at the picture before closing out of the page and going back to work on his paper.

 

Sawamura thought they looked rather good together.

 

**_Stage 6: Reconstruction_ **

 

“Don’t you look nice.”  Yaku commented with a sly grin as Sawamura exited his bedroom.

 

“You must really want to impress her.”  Matsukawa said from his sprawled out position over the back of the couch.

 

“I’m dressed normally.”  Sawamura grumbled, refusing to adjust his sweater self consciously.

 

“You’re wearing jeans.”  Yaku pointed out.

 

“I wear jeans.”  Sawamura argued, though he wasn’t quite sure why he was arguing in the first place.  He just didn’t like the self satisfied looks on his roommates faces.  He had no idea why he continued to room with them after the first year.

 

“When is the last time you wore jeans?”  Yaku asked.  Sawamura tried to come up with a quick reply but it just wasn’t coming to him.  He spent a good portion of his day doing some sort of physical labor to do with volleyball, so he was mostly in workout gear.  He couldn’t be bothered with anything more than sweats for early morning classes right after morning practice.  Then there was his job at the banquet hall where he was required to wear black slacks and a white shirt under a black vest.

 

Thankfully Sawamura was saved from having to answer by Kuroo blowing in followed closely by Shirofuku.

 

“We brought food!”  Kuroo announced happily, holding up his bag.  “I got you a second helping of ramen, even though your order is always so boring and unadventurous.”  Kuroo smirked over at Sawamura as he kicked off his shoes.  Shirofuku held a bag of sweets as she toed off her own shoes in a much calmer, and polite, manner.

 

“Daichi isn’t going to stay in with us bachelors, he has a date.”  Yaku took the bag from Kuroo.  “What’s with the dumb look?”

 

“What dumb look? This is just my face.”  Kuroo cringed as Yaku mocked him for his slip up, but even Sawamura had seen the blank look on Kuroo’s face after Yaku’s announcement.  “You have a date?”

 

“Why does everyone seem so shocked?”  Sawamura asked.

 

“Hey wait I’m not a bachelor, I’m dating Hajime!”  Matsukawa called out as he pulled his long legs off the couch cushions to make way for Shirofuku.

 

“Is that still going on?  How hasn’t he dumped you yet?”  Sawamura teased him, glad the heat was off of him.

 

“You must like this person, you’re wearing jeans.”  Shirofuku, the traitor, spoke up.  Kuroo looked down at Sawamura’s legs, frowning slightly.

 

“This has been fun and all but I’m leaving now.”  Sawamura shoved his feet into his shoes.

 

“Did you bring protection?”  Yaku called out from the kitchen.  Matsukawa laughed but Kuroo looked as if he had swallowed a lemon.

 

“Fuck all of you.”  Sawamura deadpanned, not meaning it in the least as he walked out of his apartment.  “Ah, I’m so sorry.”  He bowed to his elderly neighbors, thankful they looked amused and not disappointed like his own grandparents would be if they heard him swear.

 

Sawamura walked quickly to the spot he and his date had agreed to meet up at.  Aragaki had started to work at the banquet hall about a month previously.  They got along pretty well.  Aragaki was tall and slim, with a clever personality and the ability to let any rude comments by drunken banquet hall attendees slide right off her shoulders.

 

“I didn’t think you actually owned anything besides sweats.”  Aragaki stated when Sawamura greeted her outside the restaurant they had agreed upon meeting at.

 

“I wear slacks at work.”  Sawamura groaned as Aragaki laughed, a sound like tinkling bells.

 

“So,” Aragaki grinned after they had ordered their food, there was a small chip in her left incisor.  Sawamura couldn’t really complain since he was missing an entire tooth.

 

Dinner with Aragaki was comfortable.  She was good company and she didn’t mind when Sawamura went off on volleyball-related tangents.  They most talked about work, their boss who managed to issue orders then disappeared for hours until the clean up was finished and then he magically reappeared.  The little love triangle going on between three eighteen year olds.

 

Sawamura walked Aragaki back to her dorm, promised to call her to set up another date and earned a kiss on the cheek.  Sawamura let his hands hang down by his side, wished he had worn a hoodie so he could at least put them inside the front pocket as he walked back to the flat he shared with Matsukawa and Yaku.  After the first year Moniwa had moved into an apartment with Ushijima that was equal distance from both their colleges.

 

It was barely dark so Sawamura wasn’t surprised when he arrived home to a full flat.  There was some cat calls and general mockery, more fun was poked at him when he immediately changed into a pair of checkered sleep pants before making his way to the kitchen.  He thought he’d have to scrounge up some food, which was always a toss up in their flat.  There were always people there and the fridge was constantly being emptied out.

 

So it was a surprise when Sawamura opened the refrigerator door to see the two white take out containers, the kanji for his name a messy sprawl across the side marking it as his own.  He pulled it out, popping open the top one and feeling something warm gather inside him.

 

It was the ramen Kuroo had bought for him.  Sawamura had assumed someone else would lay claim to it but judging from the near illegible handwriting Kuroo had saved it for him.  Both containers and considering their flat was full always-hungry, college athletes that was a feat in itself.

 

Sawamura peered around the corner as he heated up the ramen in the microwave.  At some point Hanamaki had arrived, Sawamura wasn’t even aware he was back from his travels abroad.  He laying on the floor, rolled up in Matsukawa’s duvet with his head cushioned on Oikawa’s lap.  Oikawa held a beer in one hand while combing his fingers through Hanamaki’s grown out pink hair.  Matsukawa was laying on his stomach with a half empty bowl of popcorn in front of him.

 

Shirofuku had taken up residence in one of the overstuffed armchairs while Yaku sprawled in another.  Kuroo had somehow managed to overtake the entire length of the couch.  It said a lot about the lumpy old couch, that Matsukawa and Hanamaki had taken off a street corner, that no one actually used it.

 

Sawamura took his reheated ramen and made his way over the couch, purposely stepping on Hanamaki as a greeting.  He let out a grunt and tried to retaliate by grabbing Sawamura’s leg to trip him up, but if Sawamura had one thing, it was pretty good balance.

 

“Moose!”  Hanamaki kicked Sawamura and then groaned about losing his perfect position and being uncomfortable and _Tooru, tuck me back in please._

 

Sawamura sat down on the end  of the couch where Kuroo had scooted down to make room for him.  It meant his ridiculously long legs hung off the arm and dangled near Yaku, who would throw a fit about stinky disgusting feet when he realized how close they were.  It also meant the top of Kuroo’s head brushed against Sawamura’s thigh.

 

“Thanks for saving me the food.”  Sawamura said quietly because, for once, everyone was actually fully absorbed in the movie.

 

“Didn’t eat on your date?”  Kuroo asked, eyes focused fully on the screen.  Sawamura brushed off the weirdness, Kuroo was the type to make almost too-much eye contact when talking to someone.

 

“I did.”  The food had been good, though the tofu place hadn’t been Sawamura’s choice he hadn’t minded it.

 

“How did it go?”  Kuroo asked a while later, Sawamura was nearly done with his bowl of ramen.

 

“It was nice.”  Sawamura said with a shrug.  He would remember to text Aragaki tomorrow morning and set up another date for a later time.  Sawamura enjoyed talking to Aragaki, she had gone to an all girls boarding school in England and had some of the most interesting stories he’s ever heard.  Her eyes didn’t glaze over when he talked about buildings he’d like to see and he liked the way she laughed.

 

“Nice?”  Kuroo said with a snort.

 

“Why are you being an asshole?”  Yaku snapped before shoving Kuroo’s feet away from his face, nearly knocking them into the back of Oikawa’s head.  Kuroo’s mouth twisted up as he curled his legs up to fit on the couch, managing to push his head against Sawamura’s thigh more.

 

Sawamura put his bowl on the side table before stretching out his fingers.  Kuroo was acting odd but it could be a number of things stressing him out.  Their third year of university was coming to a close, Kuroo was still riding the bench on the volleyball team, and he had a full load of classes.  Sawamura also thought Kuroo wasn’t completely over his ex-boyfriend, though it had been several months since they had stopped dating.

 

Sawamura lightly tugged on Kuroo’s hair, which was longer than he usually kept it.  He had taken to pulling it back with a headband when he was studying or doing any physical activity.  Sawamura pretended he didn’t like the look of it.

Kuroo took the invitation with some hesitation, moving his head into Sawamura’s thigh.  He laid there, stiff as a board until Sawamura decided to take a play out of Oikawa’s handbook, and started to run his fingers through Kuroo’s black hair.  It was amazingly soft, though Sawamura wasn’t too surprised.  Oikawa often mocked Kuroo for all the expensive shampoos he bought, though Oikawa really had no room to speak.

 

Kuroo slumped against Sawamura, digging one arm beneath Sawamura’s leg to wrap around it.  Sawamura let out a soft laugh before returning his attention back to the movie.  Kuroo tilted his head into Sawamura’s hand, and Sawamura obliged and kept running his fingers through the soft locks.

 

**_Stage 7: Acceptance and Hope_ **

 

Sawamura pushed himself off the hard wooden floor as the screams of the crowd and cheers across the net coursed around him.  The ball bounced several times, the sound echoing inside Sawamura’s skull before it rolled off.  He stood up on wobbly legs, turned to his team who looked shocked and heartbroken.  He remembered feeling that way, remembered the pain of working so hard and coming so far only to fall just short of his goal.

 

There was sorrow in his heart but mostly Sawamura felt an overwhelming wave of pride hit him.  He put his hands on his hips, felt sweat make his kit stick uncomfortably to his body.  His bad leg throbbed in time with his heartbeat and he found himself grinning at his team.

 

“Captain?”  One of the younger players questioned, the new libero who would be guarding the team for now on.

 

“I am in awe of you all.”  Sawamura rubbed at his mouth, trying to calm down the racing of his heart as his team ambled over to him.  Some were already crying, some looked numb.  “No one ever expected us to even break the top twenty.  We’re third in the country.  The team literally no one bet on.  You did this and I have no doubt that next year, you’ll do even better.  You trained so hard, all of you put the time and effort in despite the criticism and disbelief.  I am proud to be your captain.”  There were more tears after that, but mixed in with the heartbreak and sorrow was pride and hope.

 

“Sawamura.”  A deep voice called from behind him.  Sawamura turned to see the teams ace that had just beaten them.  Sakusa Kiyoomi, already had a spot on team Japan for the Olympics.

 

“Sakusa, good game.”  Sawamura bowed, not bothering to offer his hand because he knew of Sakusa’s tendencies.

 

“Yes.”  Sakusa stated bluntly, frowning slightly.  “I thought you had gotten lucky with Karasuno, that you rested on having overwhelming power in the form of your first years.”

 

“Oh I did.”  Sawamura grinned, not at all offended.  A team like the one he had at Karasuno for his third year only came along once in a lifetime.  He knew how lucky he had been.  “I will be rooting for you at the Olympics.”  That seemed to surprise Sakusa, which made Sawamura’s grin widen as he bowed again and headed back to his team, ushering them all off to the showers.

 

“Could you not charm the pants off of every single one of our rivals?”  Yaku joked as he matched Sawamura step-for-step.  Yaku’s knees had quickly deteriorated over their college career.  It meant he couldn’t play a full set but he had been there the entire time.

 

“What?”  Sawamura sputtered, thinking of Sakusa’s blank face as Sawamura walked away.  “I think I just confuse him.”

 

“Right, that’s why he stared at your bum as you walked away.”  Matsukawa snickered.

 

“Stop.”  Sawamura warned them but too many years of shared experiences had made them both immune to his Captain Tone.  “Alright everyone get cleaned up, changed, and the first round is on your upperclassmen, but only the first round!”  Sawamura had to shout the last part to be heard over the cheering.  He still remembered Ukai’s lesson about eating after a long fought battle.

 

Also he wanted to get Yaku drunk to see if he would make another long and very sappy speech.

 

Sawamura was unsurprised to see other familiar faces at the restaurant.

 

“I’m not paying for you.”  Sawamura deadpanned as Kuroo sat down at their table, along with Oikawa and Ushijima.

 

“You wound me Daichi.”  Kuroo covered his heart dramatically.

 

“You played well Sawamura.”  Ushijima commented, though his eyes were on Moniwa who was helping some of the younger and more indecisive players choose what to eat.

 

“Thank you, I’m a little disappointed we wouldn’t be facing off against you guys.”  Sawamura answered honestly.

 

“We would have slaughtered you.”  Oikawa sniffed as he looked down at the menu.  Sawamura felt his smile become a little feral before he snapped out a command for the more rambunctious members of his team to calm down.  He apologized to their waitress, who seemed to be handling a large group of 20-something men with grace.

 

“I saw Aragaki there earlier, I’m surprised she’s not here.”  Kuroo commented before Oikawa and Sawamura could get into a full sniping match.  

 

“She’s vegan.”  Sawamura said, pointedly looking down at the long list of meats on the menu.  “Also she has finals to study for, a thirty page paper to finish too.”

 

“You’re suppose to put aside such things for the one you love, to show them support.”  Oikawa said sagely.

 

“Is that why you can’t keep a girlfriend?”  Sawamura asked as innocently as possible.  Oikawa stuttered and squawked indignantly as Matsukawa slapped the table as he laughed.  Moniwa settled down next to Ushijima, smiling up at the tall man and looking slightly confused at everyone else.

 

“Is he okay?”  Moniwa asked, though whether he was referring to Oikawa or Matsukawa no one was quite sure.

 

“Anyways Aragaki and I aren’t dating, the fact she showed up at all when she’s so busy is great.”  Sawamura said with a shrug, though he could feel eyes on him from all directions.

 

Dating Aragaki had been like dating Sugawara.  It was comfortable, Sawamura felt content in the relationship.  They talked often and saw each other at work and made time for each other at least once a week.  They joked and had study sessions.  Aragaki had a way of making Sawamura not take things too serious and Sawamura easily reminded Aragaki to take breaks from school work without being too pushy.

 

Aragaki had called their kissing tepid.  Not bad but not exactly toes curling, want to write home about it kind of kiss.  She had been relieved when Sawamura admitted to feeling the same and they had mutually decided to stay friends without complicating anything further.

 

Sawamura hadn’t realized he hadn’t told anyone about the decision until right at that moment.  They were all getting ready to graduate and volleyball had eaten up the rest of Sawamura’s spare time.  It just hadn’t seemed all that important at the time.

 

“Are you okay?”  Moniwa asked worriedly, looking guilty as if he hadn’t been a good friend because he hadn’t known.  Sawamura laughed it off.

 

“We just didn’t fit that way, we both agreed to it.  It was, what?  Two months back.”  Sawamura shrugged.

 

“I thought you were dating Kuroo, Captain!”  The little libero spoke up then immediately turned red when he realized how loud he had spoken.  Kuroo choked on the water he had just taken a sip of as Sawamura resisted the urge to rub at his suddenly burning neck.

 

“Why would you say that?”  Sawamura couldn’t help but ask.

 

“Because of your phone?”  The libero asked, glancing around as if looking for backup.  Sawamura looked at the rest of his team.

 

“How often is my love life a topic for discussion?”  Sawamura questioned them, a small bit of satisfaction running through him as they all tried to shrink away from his gaze.

 

“What’s on your phone, _Captain_?”  Oikawa asked, his eyes sharp and focused.  Sawamura tried to shrug it off, though he knew he should have changed it but he had always been so careful.  He didn’t use his phone out in public much and the lock screen was just black.

 

“It’s that picture Bo took.”  Sawamura answered honestly, glancing at Kuroo to see if the topic bothered him.  Kuroo looked oddly blank as Sawamura dug his phone out of his kit bag, unlocking it and showing the table the background.  The one taken almost two years prior, of Kuroo and Sawamura’s backs.

 

“That’s um- nice?”  Moniwa, bless his little heart, tried to help.

 

“That’s a really old picture.”  Matsukawa stated.

 

“It’s an old phone, I guess I never bothered changing it.”  Sawamura shrugged, refusing to feel self conscious about it.

 

The food arrived, effectively shutting everyone up but Sawamura couldn’t help but feel as if that wasn’t the end of the conversation.  Kuroo was oddly silent the entire time and Sawamura worried that he had somehow freaked him out.  Imagine that, freaking out the unflappable Kuroo Tetsurou.  One time Bokuto stole a horse, a real life, giant horse and Kuroo had shrugged and asked if Bokuto had fed it.

 

Sawamura said his goodbyes to the rest of his team.  There would be a couple more practices before the upperclassmen officially retired but there had still been tears by the end of the night.

 

“Hey Dai, can we talk?”  Kuroo asked.  Sawamura took a deep breath before nodding, waving goodbye to his roommates and walking with Kuroo towards the park.

 

“I’m sorry if the background thing bothered you, I can change it.”  Sawamura said as he sat down heavily on one of the benches.  He could tell Kuroo wanted to move around a bit more but Sawamura had already put too much strain on his bad leg.

 

“You never put a background of you and Aragaki on your phone.”  Kuroo stated.  Sawamura shoved his hands into his jacket pockets.  He honestly knew this conversation would come up sooner or later.  Kuroo was plenty observant and incredibly clever.  Sawamura had never been the best at hiding his feelings, and he had some strong ones for Kuroo for quite some time.

 

“I didn’t.”  Sawamura confirmed, though Kuroo hadn’t asked a question.  He paced in front of Sawamura before turning and staring down at him.

 

“Why didn’t it work out?”  Kuroo asked finally, head tilted slightly to the side.

 

“Because we work as friends and sometimes that’s all there is between two people.”  Sawamura answered finally.

 

“Is that all there is between us?”  Kuroo asked.  Sawamura felt a knot in his throat, suddenly it was hard to swallow but Kuroo was waiting for an answer.

 

“I don’t know.”  Sawamura admitted honestly.  “I know what I feel goes past friendship.”  Kuroo suddenly sat down next to Sawamura on the bench.

 

“After I broke up with- actually more like after he broke up with me I felt angry.”  Kuroo ran a hand through his hair.  He had tried to get an undercut but it had turned out to be more like a bowl cut, it was finally starting to grow back and looked good.  “And you were there.  I thought I was projecting onto you and everyone kept going on about rebounds, that you’re suppose to have a rebound after a long term relationship ends and I just knew I didn’t want that with you.”

 

“How long have you known?”  Sawamura asked, curious to realize he only felt a little embarrassed about Kuroo knowing he liked him.

 

“I kind of suspected for a while but sometimes it was seem so obvious and other times- you cuddle with everyone Daichi.”  Sawamura let out a short laugh because it wasn’t untrue.

 

“So what now?  I believe you told me once that you didn’t even think relationships were worth trying for.”  Sawamura asked.  “I’ll probably be moving back to Miyagi after we graduate, I’ve already been accepted into a fellowship.”  Kuroo picked at the bench.

 

“They need psychologists in the country too.”  Kuroo finally mumbled, glancing up at Sawamura through his bangs.  Sawamura was shocked for a minute before he felt his mouth stretching out into a big, happy smile.

 

“Maybe we should start with a date first.”  Sawamura offered.

 

“Aren’t you worried about, I don’t know, ruining our friendship or something?”  Kuroo asked.  Sawamura thought about it, for a about a second before leaning over and kissing Kuroo.  It was a quick soft thing, but it made Sawamura feel warm all the way through.

 

“I’m not worried, are you?”  Sawamura asked, grinning as Kuroo looked slightly dazed at him.

 

“No.”  Kuroo suddenly returned Sawamura’s grin, beaming back at him.  “I’m not worried at all.”


End file.
